Gosh! Where to start?
Relationship has always been very important to me and I’ve had a picture of an ideal romantic relationship for a very long time. Not just a very unique, romantic ‘soulmate’ type of connection with an intimate partner, but what I call a Conscious Relationship. Conscious commitment happens when two fairly mature, self-aware individuals come together with good communication skills and the courage to risk intimacy and honesty, and choose to create a committed relationship. To learn how to love the Other in a way that is meaningful to him and to continue to develop and grow as an individual within the relationship. Idealistic? Yes, but I’m an artist and an INFP, so I live by my ideals.
Even so, by my early 40’s I hadn’t found my ideal relationship and had in fact grown somewhat cynical. I had a couple of conversations with people close to me and saw the film Before Sunset and that broke down the walls I’d built up around my heart. It took me a couple of years to get up the courage to do anything about it and I decided to try online dating. The two positive things that I got from that experience were confidence in myself as an interesting and attractive woman, and the opportunity to clarify what sort of man I was looking to meet, the quality of relationship I was seeking and what I felt I had to offer. This was in the middle of my question about where do I want to live: in the UK or back to the US, my native country.
American artist seeks a like-minded adventurer to explore new worlds I am a bit reserved and shy at first, but am very warm and have a quirky sense of humour which reveals itself when I get to know someone. I like to spend time with my partner or socializing together with a few close friends. I have a very unique way of looking at the world and am looking for a like-minded person to share my world with . . . . . and to create a new one together.
I am ultimately looking for a long-term committed relationship with an emotionally mature, interesting, adventurous man. A travelling companion and touchstone in Life’s journey. I’d like to take time getting to know you, sharing lots of different experiences and activities. I firmly believe that physical and emotional intimacy go hand in hand and take time to develop. As well as having a shared relationship on many different levels, I need time for my own interests, friendships and solitude and give you that space, too.
I dated a few guys on both sides of the Atlantic, met some nice people, but ultimately didn’t find the Dear Someone that I sought.
The man of my dreams
You know the saying that relationships are mirrors and if something is amiss with a partner, it can signal the need to look within. Women’s (and men’s) relationships with the opposite sex reflect their inner relationship. Over the years, I’d done a fair amount of work finding my inner man with heart, a positive inner masculine figure. I had the following dream during the time when I’d decided to stop hopping from country to country and finally found home inside of myself.
“Last night I dreamt that we met . . . . I looked up and saw that you had entered the room and were standing, looking at me and smiling. Your hair was longish, silvery-white and swept behind your ears. Lamp black eyebrows. You were wearing a black suit with a black open necked shirt, no tie, like an artist. I pointed at you and smiled. Even though I had never seen you before, I recognised you. You walked over and sat down across me, facing me. Up close, your face was tanned, a bit full beneath your chin. I cannot recall the colour of your eyes.
Then you stood behind me and covered my eyes with your hands and told a funny story or anecdote which made me laugh. You had a distinct speaking voice with a rich timbre. Then you sat opposite me again and opened a portfolio of your artwork and some other papers. You showed me some paintings you had done on acetate. Translucent paintings in Chagall-like colours – night sky blue, crimson and a deep and wild green.”
Around this time, I’d decided to settle in the UK, stop looking for a mate and just get grounded in myself. Then about six months later, I took a trip to Birmingham for a long weekend to explore the city and meet up with Nicky Getgood, a fellow blogger whom I’d met online.
I went to a pub in Digbeth called the Spotted Dog for Friday night Pimm’s O’ Clock and in the course of the evening, I met the silver-haired, sea green-eyed man of my dreams – Steve. We went out to dinner and a movie the next couple of nights and by the end of the weekend, I found that I was able to open up and share thoughts and musings and interests that I normally kept to myself. Not only did we talk about books and music and films we like, but why we like them, our values and what’s meaningful to us. We met up for breakfast the next morning and by the time I left to catch the train back to Exeter and I knew that we weren’t saying ‘Good-bye’.
Our first picture together was taken that day, by a German tourist.
We kept in touch via texts, email, hand-written letters and phone calls, gradually realising that we had each found something very special in the Other. It was really good to have that distance between us after the first weekend. We had to make an effort to bridge the gap and in doing so, the distance brought us closer. We decided to meet up again about a month later in Bristol, halfway between. We met for the day on a Saturday and then spent every weekend together for the next several months until we decided to make a home together in Devon. And now we are on the way to our wedding.