Long Live the King and Queen!

 “What sign are you?” It’s a question that we’re asked remarkably often. When we reply, “Leo and Leo,”  the response is: “How does that work out?”

Anecdotally, we can confirm that Leo & Leo is a partnership which, in our case at least, works out pretty well. But, as our shared birthday weekend has just ended, I trawled through the online astrological literature to see what it has to say about Leo-Leo compatibility.

It seems that relations between natives of the same sun sign often have more good than bad aspects to them. But, the bad ones can be almost impossible to get over, simply because each Leo shares the same flaws.  However, there is a secret to success. And that secret is compromise.

Compromise is important because – of all the sun signs in the zodiac – Leo shines the strongest. Not surprising, given that Leo is governed by the Sun itself, at the centre of the system and so fully deserving his or her title of “King” or “Queen”.

What this boils down to is that a Leo-Leo relationship can be excellent – provided that you always remember that the Leo next to you feels the same need as you do for compliments, admiration and simple adoration.

In other words, you have to give as much as you expect.

The fact is: that shouldn’t be too difficult. Because, just like you, your mate is passionate and ardent, full of ideas and wanting to live life to the full.  Every Leo knows that what they do is refined, what they buy is stylish and what they think is bright. In a Leo-Leo relationship where each respects the other, each of us have found it remarkably easy to discuss what we do before we do it, what we buy before we buy it and what we think before we say it out loud and to company.

So how does this feed into our desire for more than a royal throne. How do we reconcile this apparent deference to each other’s views with our fascination with the power that we expect  to come with our regal position.

For us two Lions, our love story resembles that of a king and a queen. A great love, but sometimes a great rivalry too.  If you know how to offer each other enough power of decision and respect, this royal relationship is based on equal terms. We share the same elegant taste and refinement, the tendency towards hosting celebrations and parties, the love of going out together. As befits a royal household, neither of us are particularly good at administering money – so it’s a good thing we both know how to make it.

As Leos, we love being in love, flirting and paying court to each other. Each of us has finally found a partner who feels the same way as each other. Even now, we still pay court to each other.

Of course, there are some warning signs that the astrological experts are keen to bring to our attention. A Leo-Leo relationship, they say will certainly not lack for optimism. But, this means that we have to make an effort to remember to think about the future, too. You know, all that stuff about savings and long-term planning. Being extravagant and liking to spend a little on the good things in life, it appears, has a downside: it’s called tomorrow.

What they say about the Leo Man…

“He doesn’t attract the usual, the mundane, and the ordinary. To succeed in a relationship with him, you have to be somewhat eccentric and willing to forego numerous conventions. You also have to dress well, appreciate good food and be heavy on the compliments. This man is romantic and somewhat egotistical. But much of the time he’s worth an extra effort. No matter how exasperating he may be, he is likely also to be proud of you.

“He loves to see you laugh, as long as you are laughing with and not at him. The Leo man demands attention. He is fiery, romantic. He can be an easy victim of the green- eyed monster, too. He can also be offended and aloof if he feels you regard him as anything less than the centre of your universe.

“The Leo man likes the theatre, but dislikes theatrics. The Leo male admires beauty but not the obvious kind; he prefers the subtle. He is repelled by women who use too much makeup, by women who cry openly, by women who laugh too loud and – most importantly –  by women who steal the spotlight. He believes in equal rights for men and women, but expects you to accept the concept that he is just a little superior. He’s also affectionate and lovable.”

What they say about the Leo Woman…

“If you are pursuing a Leo woman, compliment her and tell her she’s beautiful…and she will be. She has a flair for the dramatic. Let her have the spotlight. But, maintain an air of mystery. She loves to hear about herself: read her palm and check her horoscope. She demands that you be aware of her. A touch, a gesture, a secret signal, something special. That’s the way to woo and win the Leo lady. Your own manner should he regal. She wants to be with someone who is admired by others. In more intimate moments, she admires tenderness: a caress more than heavy- handed overtures.

“She is sexy but she wants you to want her for more than physical reasons. She values herself and doesn’t give herself away. That is, you must court her; thoughtful gifts mean more than their cost.

“She is romantic and needs to be needed. She is likely to be attractive and she expects to be jealous of you, but doesn’t want to be reprimanded for her own flirtatiousness. Make yourself a fascinating challenge. Involvement with a Leo woman can be fatiguing, but you will learn about life and living and love. Her nature is fiery; she is passionate, giving and generous. If you win her, the prize will be a great one. She is stubborn, but she is usually trying to work out what is best for you. Recognise her good qualities, which are numerous. In being amorous, avoid being coarse. Sex, for the Leo lady, is just one part of love. It is the rhythm of life but to be a part of her life you must first earn her admiration.

“She abhors the humdrum, routine, and stupid. She revels in the creative, in excitement. She could be an addict of the theater and she will share the spotlight if she feels you really have something others would admire. She’s unusual, complicated, and opinionated but she can be one of the most beautiful experiences in your life.”

As two Leos who are together, each of us feels that our relationship is based on trust, honesty and loyalty. Each of us knows that we need to avoid competing with each other and to complement each other, making room for each other to share in the spotlights we crave.

Together, as two Leos aware of both our strengths and our weaknesses, we are more powerful than two lions wandering alone. We have respect for each other. We have the ability to take pride in each other’s achievements. We have a love forged in the heart of the Sun.

Speaking to the truth

The speeches. There are books written about how to make a speech at a wedding. There are hours spent agonising over the choice of the best words, the most appropriate tone and the etiquette of exactly when the speeches should take place.

As with everything else we planned for our day, we first of all decided whether or not we wanted speeches at all. And, fairly quickly, we decided that we did: it was an opportunity to speak about the meaning of the day and the beauty that lay at the soul of the occasion. The next decision was about timing; when should the speeches take place? We toyed with the idea of spreading them throughout our wedding feast, perhaps between courses. Finally, we imagined the day, saw it take place in our mind’s eye and – as it unfolded before us – knew that the speeches would take place after the main course and before we got stuck into the vast array of desserts that would be available.

Melinda’s speech came from her sense of bringing a dowry to our marriage, which she has already written about beautifully in this blog. For my speech, I wanted to talk about what the day was all about.

The speech begins...

This is what I said, leading up to the toast:

Today is all about love.

It’s about love that Melinda and I have for each other and that we have shared with you today.

It’s also about love in so many other ways.

It’s about the love that Melinda has put into each and every stitch of the beautiful quilts that are hanging in this room and the runners on our tables.

It’s about the love that our celebrant Alison Orchard put into helping us to draft the service today.

It’s about the love that Sine Nomine – the choir – put into the singing of our chosen madrigals and sacred music.

It’s about the love that our chefs Christophe and Nigel have put into the wonderful, wonderful food we have eaten today for our wedding feast.

It’s about the love that Malene and the waiting staff have put into making sure that our day has run so smoothly.

And it’s about the love that Phillipa has put into helping us to build the labyrinth that we hope you will all walk with Melinda and I this afternoon – joining us on the first steps of our journey into a life of married love.

Today is also about the love that you have all shown by joining us today as we celebrate our marriage.

It’s about the love that Susan and Sheldon have shown by accepting our invitations to be our bridesmaid and best man.

And it’s about the love that all of us in this room have for those who are close to us. Those who are with us today. Those who we see all the time. Those we see rarely but think of always. And those who we miss and wish we could see again.

So, for just a moment, I’d like all of us to think with our hearts.

Close your eyes if you want to and reach out to all those who you love: husband, wife, partner, lover, brother, sister, mother, father, friend. The loved ones who are far away, the ones who have left this world, the ones you cherish most.

Bring all of them here – into this room – so that they, in turn, can reach out to the ones they love and bring them here too.

And so, for just one moment, let this room be the focus of all the love in the world.

 

Now, take some of that love with you today. Keep it in your soul. And whenever you need it, take it out and let its light shine on you.

 

The toast, then, is quite simple. Please, raise your glasses and your voices: to love.

...and a gratifying response

My best man, Sheldon Bayley, had the unenviable task of giving a speech that – traditionally – has to be funny, poke fun at the groom, thank the bridesmaids and juggle a lot of emotions. He was nervous before the event, as this photo by our friend Steve Chamberlain shows.

A nervous pre-speech best man. (Pic: Steve Chamberlain)

But, as I knew he would, this talented and sensitive man delivered a speech that – simply, eloquently and powerfully – spoke to the truth:

Firstly, on behalf of Melinda and Steve, I’d like to thank John and Susan for their wonderful readings earlier, and as is the tradition, to thank Susan for carrying out her duties as bridesmaid so well. I’d also like to thank everyone for coming on this happy day to celebrate the marriage of Melinda and Steve. However, I do have to point out that not everyone is ‘over the moon’ with the situation as my eight year old daughter, Lily (who has had a long-standing crush on Steve) is devastated – but was soon consoled by the fact that he’s marrying Melinda who she describes as “beautiful, like a real-life Princess”.

When Steve asked me to be his best man, my first feeling was obviously one of honour to be asked to take on such an important role. However, this soon gave way to feelings of trepidation. After all, it was always going to be a hard act to follow a man who writes for a living. 

A man who writes very well for a living. And writes very well for pleasure too. He’s written slogans for top advertising campaigns, he’s a published journalist, he’s written film scripts that have done the rounds at the Cannes Film Festival and he’s written touching poetry that breaks your heart to read. And he’s just written that speech. In fact, there have been moments where I’ve toyed with the idea of employing a freelance writer to do this speech for me – but the only one I know who’s any good is Steve!

I first met Steve some seven years ago at The Custard Factory, a kind of business center for creative types in a traditionally industrial area of central Birmingham. I had just moved in, but Steve had been there since day one and had become something of a stalwart in the community, organising events like The Creative Circle where residents could get together socially and create the kind of vital contacts that the careers of freelancers live or die by. It wasn’t long before Steve took me under his wing (as he had done with so many people beforehand) and we found out that as well as both being ardent Liverpool fans, we had something of a shared history in the Birmingham scene. We had both been music journalists and had both worked in the media industry for many, many years. We knew the same people, we’d even been at the same gigs (most of which Steve had actually organised during his time as co-promoter of the infamous Click Club music night) but we’d never actually met until that moment. Ships in the night if you like. We struck up an instant and enduring friendship and over the next few years, Steve became many things to me: my best friend, my confidant, my work colleague and an inspirational figure in my life.

Let me explain that a bit more. Around this time, I had been through a difficult period in my own personal life, and on more than one occasion when I had poured my heart out to Steve, I detected that all wasn’t well with him. The thing is, Steve doesn’t do unhappy, he doesn’t do feeling sorry for himself, he’s an incredibly positive person who meets life’s challenges head-on and unapologetically enjoys himself. He always makes the most out of the situation he finds himself in and that unswerving self-confidence was what inspired me so much. Despite this, I couldn’t help but feel that Steve had come to a crossroads with his personal circumstances and that there was something fundamentally lacking in his own life. Still, he went his own way, buying a canal boat to live on, remarking that he should change the name of the vessel to “The Mid-Life Crisis”.

Then one night everything changed. The first I knew about it, was the next morning when he came to work at The Custard Factory and knocked on my door. I opened it to a different Steve Coxon. I knew immediately that something seismic had happened. He was bursting at the seams to tell me about this amazing woman he had met at The Spotted Dog the night before. Her name was Melinda, and he had been introduced to her by our mutual friend Nicky Getgood. Melinda was an artist who worked predominantly with fibres to create some truly interesting work (some great examples of which you can see around you today). Steve described one of her pieces in great detail, which was being exhibited in the pub itself. As he continued to recount the previous evening, I could tell that this Melinda had made a deep and lasting impression on him.

Over the next few weeks, I watched as Melinda and Steve went through what I can only describe as a proper courtship. Because Melinda lived in Devon, they communicated by every means they could. This involved numerous telephone calls, emails, video messaging and unusually in this day and age, writing letters. Sending things to each other that helped to confirm that they had both met someone of true significance in their lives. And of course, the trips to Devon became more and more frequent until they actually became trips back to Birmingham.

I finally had the pleasure of meeting Melinda in person at our Freelancer’s Christmas dinner in 2008. She was everything Steve has described… and much more. Melinda was charming, elegant and genuinely interested in everyone she met that day, and in turn, everyone was intrigued and impressed by her. She made quite an impact on our little scene. This was, to use a cliché, the perfect couple. 

They turned up, arm-in-arm, dressed-up-to-the-nines and it was obvious to everyone who was there, that this relationship was something that was meant to be, and that it wouldn’t be long before it was cemented by marriage.

Which brings us neatly back to today.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… an artist and a writer, images and words, rose petals and slate, the perfect union… please all raise your glasses to the bride and groom – Melinda and Steve. 

 
 
 

Sheldon making his speech

Our bridesmaid Susan Neuville also made a speech that touched hearts with its honesty. We hope to put it here soon.

Beautiful memories

After the wedding, our memories of the day were full of joy and warmth. It was a beautiful day, the sunniest and warmest of the year so far in England. And we were surrounded by friends and family. All at the heart of our chosen home town of Moretonhampstead.


Our wedding labyrinth held in the circle of our closest and dearest friends and family

But, we realised, that for all the beauty of the experience we had shared and the emotions we had felt throughout the day, we had been at the centre of all that had been going on and – as we had planned everything – we knew what was coming next. What had it been like to experience the day from a guest’s point of view?

So, we asked them. We hope others will share their memories and pictures with us in the coming weeks. Here is one memory from Mike and Sue Rouillard – old friends of Melinda’s and new friends of mine. Beautiful words from lovely, lovely people…

Hi Melinda, here are a few clumsy thoughts and words in reply to your absolutely awesome soul wedding.

Firstly to say that both Sue and I felt VERY deeply honoured to be asked to witness your day-it was incredibly moving, sincere and just perfect in everyway. The deep thoughts and planning that you both put into it all was absolutely mind blowing, from the sublime music throughout the day, the soul blessing, the sharing of meat, to the walk between the stones. A big thank you from us both, to you both.

Years ago now, when I could walk on the moor, getting immersed in the vastness of it all and usually ending up ankle deep in liquid peat, I used to think about the giant sponge that the moor is and the journey that the rain took once it hit the heather. Standing silently and completely alone beneath the big sky, I would think on the sight of fallen raindrops that lay on the grass, scattering light in a million random directions. There were pools of mirrors, cloud filled and still,  yet giving the feeling that this was all but an illusion as below in the peaty depths the small things of being stirred oblivious to all that lived in the sun. These same pools fed the rivulets of liquid amber that trickled over the blue granite and wet the cool moss that shone green in the heat of the day. Further down the valley, where the marsh insects danced for life, those small rivulets widened and quickened, sliding and bubbling in turn down their stone filled pathways, whispering past grass and reed to at last join the clear watered moor stream that took all to the sea.

Recalling these thoughts the other day when pondering your email, I wondered if these clunky ideas could serve as an analogy for all of your friends that turned up on your day – those people who are brittle and bright, all those whose personalities are shrouded from glare, individuals whose paths are slow and steady, those who laugh and chatter through life with the sun in their hair, all of us to join your stream that is you and Steve, that you have written about on your blog. It was a superb gathering of friends, a day that will need recalling in time to come, to enjoy again, and to reinterpret.

One last thought – just how did you arrange the weather?


Slow Wedding

Love is about giving each other the space to find what each finds beautiful in the other.

In other words, sometimes it takes time – sometimes – to find the right words, the right pictures, the right tone of voice, to get across exactly how we feel about something.

And when that something is the marriage of Melinda and Steve that feeling is enormous.  For us, the soul wedding especially was an enchanted day in which we were at the heart of a kaleidoscope of images, sounds and emotions.

So, it might take a few weeks or so for us to absorb the enormity of what we have begun. And it might take some time to share the photos and our thoughts…but we will share those images and thoughts with you.  We’ve also invited the family and friends who were at our wedding celebrations to share their feelings, impressions, reactions…anything, in fact, about the days so that we can have our wedding mirrored back to us

We have the most beautiful marriage in the world. We want you to share it with us.

While you think about that, here’s some music about longing and loneliness. It’s wonderful music, but not a lesson in life. Enjoy…and then do something different.

A nuptial melody

While we were on honeymoon, one of the guests from both our civil and soul weddings sent us a poem that she had written in response to our marriage.

She wants to remain anonymous, but said: “Friday and Saturday was like being in the middle of a romantic fairy tale – with the two main characters outstandingly elegant and beautiful.  All your friends were supportive and funny and obviously loved you both. Every minute of each day was so carefully thought through, it literally flowed… I’ve told everyone here how John [Mostyn]’s wonderful voice made the first reading come alive, and Susan [Neuville] made the spoken words of the second reading almost musical – I was aware of the ringing sound of “iron on stone”.”

And here is the poem that our guest sent us:

A NUPTIAL MELODY

The spirit of our love is here

No one can match what we have known today

And as the years roll on you know, my dear,

We can but hope that this is how we’ll stay.

This is no dream – no myth – no lets pretend.

This is for life, this is for life my friend.

As each day dawns,

What a melody.

My heart is light,

My soul is free.

The spirit of our love is here:

It will stretch on into eternity.

This everlasting love you know, my dear,

Enables us to know we have the key.

This is the key, the key to love that conquers all.

As each day dawns,

What a melody.

My heart is light, my soul is free.

My heart is light, my soul is free.

Wanderers return

Two wanderers flying side by side

After the wedding, which we’ll share with you here very soon, we went on our honeymoon to the Amalfi Coast. We wandered there along one of the most beautiful coastlines in the world, savoured fine food, tasted history and took wing towards the rest of our marriage. This picture of two gulls flying side by side was taken from the Philosopher’s Belvedere on the island of Capri.

He needs a trousseau, too

Trousseau (from Fr. trousseau, originally “a bundle”, n. pl. trousseaux).  Traditionally, a trousseau is the outfit of the bride, including the wedding dress.  From Victorian times till today, the trousseau also has consisted of brand-new outfits to see a woman through her wedding, honeymoon, and newlywed days.  But let’s not forget the groom  .  .  .

The Montreal Gazette - Feb 9, 1971

We went to London last weekend to complete Steve’s trousseau.  Steve had already bought a beautiful grey wool morning suit from Lugets, Exeter’s oldest independent retailer established prior to the Battle of Waterloo.  He had thought of merely renting one for the occasion, but this fine suit will do double or even triple duty at Ascot or the Queen’s Garden Party (apparently the only other places that a man can wear a grey morning suit – according to their sales person extraordinaire Justin).

The outfit was accompanied by a jacket that transformed it from morning suit to lounge or business suit at the drop of a hat. And so, wearing the jacket in order to gauge the suitability of other clothes, we boarded a train and headed for the smart end of London town.

Our destination was Piccadilly Arcade, just off of Jermyn Street in London’s West End. Our quarry: a waistcoat, tie, shirt and shoes.

Piccadilly Arcade

Of course, there are other places where you can find these things. But, probably, not quite so many. Not quite of such good quality. And not all within a stone’s throw of each other.

The first order of the day was to find a waistcoat. Something wonderful in ivory to go with Melinda’s dress. We’d already looked online and found a shop that we had visited once before and been impressed by their array of fine waistcoats. But, memory can deceive and the computer screen can lie and our first choice of shop was a disappointment. Racks of waistcoats and a selection of styles, but none of them quite matching the dream that we carried with us to compare against the real thing.

And so we found ourselves a few doors up the arcade at Neal and Palmer.

Neal & Palmer, Piccadilly Arcade

Wow!  This shop was a veritable cornucopia of waistcoats in every hue and pattern imaginable.


The waistcoat we had imagined was there. Just hanging on a rack alongside it’s fellow ivory waistcoats, waiting nonchalantly – as only a good waistcoat can – for us to wander through the door.

Ivory, with roses embroidered upon it. A good fit too, although not perfect. And so, having fallen for the cloth, we took up the offer of having a waistcoat tailor made.

"The" ivory waistcoat

While Steve was being measured around his waist, across his shoulders and down the length of his back, Melinda carefully arranged the suit jacket, show waistcoat and an ivory tie for a photograph. Around this point, another customer walked in to make some obscure but lengthy point about a wedding being delayed because of volcanic ash and asking for wedding suits to be similarly delayed.

A lot of distraction, in other words. So, when the sales assistant asked Steve if he’d like to buy the tie along with the waistcoat, Steve simply proffered his card and paid for both. It was only a week or so later that Steve realised he’d bought a £48 tie.

But, said Steve, what the heck. It’s a beautiful tie and it will look great on all of our next 48 (and more) anniversaries. £1 a time, or less depending on future usage, makes it a bargain.

Next came the shirt. We found it less than 100 yards away, at Harvie & Hudson,  in Jermyn Street.  Actually, we found three shirts.  Two white ones, one for the civil wedding ceremony and one for the soul wedding ceremony, and a blue one to go on honeymoon and be worn with Steve’s ivory linen suit, possibly to a concert of chamber music under the stars in the garden of an Italian villa.

Making it real

A marriage begins with a dream. At first it is a dream that is a secret between just two people, two souls who have found each other.

Gradually, other people get to know about the dream and to hear about the wedding. But, for a long time, it’s a concept: something real and yet still unreal. A vague intention made up of a range of possible dates, a mish-mash of what-ifs and maybes as plans take place, swirl around, disappear and finally take shape.

To let the dream take breath requires a lot of this conjecturising, conceptualising, thinking and planning. For us, we’ve already spent more than a year thinking about what we want our wedding to look, taste and feel like.

Finally, after walking a long path that sometimes took us into cul-de-sacs and alleyways, we knew the date and venue we wanted. From that choice, we knew how many people we could invite to the ceremony and who they would be. And we knew what we would wear and eat.

Over the past few weeks we’ve been making these dreams and plans become real.

Suits and dresses have been bought for both our soul wedding and the legal registry office ceremony that takes place the day before. Our venue – The White Horse Inn in our home town of Moretonhampstead – has been booked and the menu agreed. We’ve talked to our celebrant, the humanist Alison Orchard, about the shape and words that should be used in our ceremony and are now making the final few amends. We have booked a choir – Sine Nomine (part of Counterpoint) – to perform madrigals and sacred music. And we have chosen the music that the choir will sing during the ceremony and that will be on our iPod for the reception and party that  follows. We’ve asked Katy Marchant of the Daughters of Elvin to provide some early music for our party and to accompany our labyrinth walk.

Did we mention our labyrinth walk? A labyrinth is not a maze. It is a spiral pattern that has just one pathway leading through it. So, as you follow the path, your mind is freed to imagine, to meditate and to soar. Our labyrinth will be formed from white stones donated by The Birmingham Bead Shop and built in the garden of Ann Casson, Deacon of St. Andrews, the 15th Century church that sits at the top of our street. As part of our wedding celebrations, we’ll be leading our guests through the labyrinth before our afternoon party begins.

Now, with less than six weeks to go, all the thoughts, plans and dreams of the past year and more are being made increasingly real with each passing day – especially as the responses to our invitation arrive through the post each morning.

The hours of thought, fine-tuning, changing this tone or that picture that went into the invitation have all been worthwhile. After all, for each person who received one , their invitation represented the first part of our wedding ceremony. They are already part of the day that is coming – but our invitation was the first step on the journey that they will travel with us on our way to our wedding.

Our invitation - wrapped in ribbon.

We talked to our printer – Formatrix – very carefully about the type of material on which the invitation would be printed. We wanted people to take it from the envelope and feel love beneath their fingers.

Making it easy for our guests to make choices

We created a whole range of inserts – from a simple announcement of the details of the ceremony to a card that enabled our guests to indicate their choice of menu.

An invitation to the labyrinth...

This week, we booked our honeymoon villa – set into a cliff on the Amalfi Coast in Italy – and booked our flights.

There’ll be more to do over the coming weeks, of course, but now the dream – at last –  is tangible and taking solid form. And it is beautiful to behold.

Engagement

When we were designing our wedding invitation, we chose photographs that were – in part – milestones on the way to the wedding.

We’ve already talked about some of those milestones on this blog. The front cover is Cleaved, which sparked our first open declarations of love. Another photograph shows us smiling into each other’s eyes – part of a studio-based photography session with our wedding photographer Emma Solley.

Our rings

One of the photographs shows our rings – both our wedding rings and Melinda’s engagement ring, complete with four diamonds and a stone called tourmaline, the colour (apparently) of my eyes.

And one more photograph shows my engagement band.

It’s a cuff that I wear around my wrist. I wear it because when we discussed what sort of rings we wanted it occurred to me that, while it is the custom for women to wear and proudly display an engagement ring, there is no equivalent for men. And I wanted to wear something that would announce and celebrate our intention to marry.

We found Penzance-based Emily Nixon at a crafts fair in Devon. She had bangles that looked precisely like what I wanted – the impression of raindrops spattering on water. They looked fluid and flowing. Just like the river in our River Song.

When we commissioned Emily, she was intrigued by making a cuff instead of a bangle. We commissioned her to create one made from silver, with large – but very subtle – splashes of gold.

My engagement cuff

The result is beautiful and I wear it all day, every day, taking it off only to show people who want to look more closely at what love looks like when a man wears it on his cuff.

While there is an accepted form for admiring Melinda’s engagement jewellery, an easy delight that comes from the expectation that the prospective bride will have a ring to display, people have to find their own way to react to my cuff. There is no formula and so the reaction varies from unbridled appreciation of its beauty to mild bewilderment mixed with an attempt to say the polite thing about how….what? Beautiful, manly, unusual, lovely, well-crafted it is?

I don’t mind what the reaction is, to be honest. I’m just pleased that this particular piece of engagement jewellery makes people think about what it means to wear it: that I am engaged fully and completely with the woman whom I love and whom I will marry; that I am engaged with a spirit and a soul with whom I want to share my being; that I am engaged with the deepest emotions that can be found in any human being.

All that in a piece of silver and gold, melded to the shape of my wrist.

All that, too, in the white gold, diamonds and tourmaline that sit so gracefully on Melinda’s hand.

Engaged, together

The time of our lives

There are some cultures in this world that have no concept of past or future. They live only in the now. The Piraha, an Amazonian rain forest tribe, will tell you that a wedding is taking place. But if you should ask “when?”, they’ll reply “not now”. And then, at some appropriate moment – the choosing of which is something of a mystery – they will simply stop whatever they are doing and say: “the wedding is now”.

For those of us brought up in the Western tradition, where both the past and the future are different places, we mark our occasions with dates, hours and minutes. We keep diaries and complete calendars so that we can map our way backwards or forwards to these foreign lands.

In between Christmas and the New Year, one of the dates in our diaries was a visit to the Registry Office in Exeter.

Now, the process of getting married in the UK – as with many other countries – includes a certain amount of form-filling, pen-pushing and red tape. We have decided that our marriage will be marked by a ceremony of our own devising. It will be a sacred rite that is personal and important to us. In other words, we won’t be following a set text prescribed by the Church of England, the state of the United Kingdom or any other official body. But, in order for our marriage to be recognised in law we have to preface our ceremony with an official, legal process.

We had already booked a date and time (towards the end of May) for this process to take place at the official office in Exeter where all hatches, matches and dispatches – births, marriages and deaths – are registered. To confirm our booking, we each had to present evidence of our identity, our place of residence and our marital status.

Boxes were ticked, computer screens completed, forms printed and signed and a fee of £30 each was paid. The forms we signed are, right now, on display at the Registry Office in Exeter – a public announcement of our intention to wed.

The following day we began our preparations for New Year. We’d decided to make Beef Wellington for New Year’s Eve and secured a fine piece of filet mignon from our butcher Michael Howard, whose shop is just across the road from our home. Melinda has already talked about that meal on her blog.

This New Year’s Eve would be special in many ways for us. It would mark the end of our first full year together and the beginning of our second. It would mark the year in which we will marry. It would mark the beginning of a lifetime of new years, new experiences, new depths of love to explore.

So, we prepared the meal carefully. If you want the recipe we followed, you can find it at Cook’s Illustrated (although you may have to take out a trial subscription to see it ).

As in everything we do, the preparation of the meal was a joint effort in which – almost without discussion – we split tasks between us and, almost without thinking, did everything at the appropriate time. We have found, in our first year and months together, that – very often – a look or a glance is all we need to know what each of us is thinking.

When the meal was ready, we ate it at our table, in our home, surrounded by our candlelight.

In 2009 we had moved from being a couple separated by geographical distance to finding and setting up a home. We had created our engagement and wedding jewellery. We had shared experiences on a daily basis and shaped our dreams.

On New Year’s Eve – on the cusp of our second full year together – we looked back and saw the path we had travelled and knew that every step of the way we had taken hand in hand.

As the chimes on our clock rang out the twelve strokes of midnight, we could see the same path stretching into the distance. The path was lit by the light of a blue moon. A blue moon happens because the lunar and the solar monthly cycle are out of sync. And so, every so often, there are two full moons in a single month. This happens every couple of years. But, it only happens at New Year every 19 years.

In 2010, along that path lit by the blue moon, we will marry.

And that is only appropriate. Because each of us feel that it is only ‘once in a blue moon’ that a love like ours will flower. As the Piraha tribe might say: “the time for the wedding is now”.