One of the most important elements of a marriage (or any intimate relationship) is to spend time with one’s partner and to talk about what that time together feels like. Identifying, investing in and spending high quality time together is paramount to a healthy relationship. Investing and high quality don’t necessarily mean expensive, either. I love sitting at opposite ends of our sofa, me reading and Steve solving the Guardian cryptic crossword; or driving through the beautifully breathtaking Devon countryside surrounding our home and exclaiming over the same clouds on the horizon, or pointing something out to each other. Those times when we’re sharing the same space, aware of our individual selves and the Self that lives with us. The Soul of our marriage.
One of the things I love about my husband is his sense of time. I don’t mean his sense of Chronos, or ‘clock time’; he can be completely dizzy about what time of day (or even what day of the week) it is. But his sense of Kairos, or ‘supreme time’. Kairos (καιρός) is an ancient Greek word meaning the right or opportune moment (the supreme moment). The ancient Greeks had two words for time, Chronos and Kairos. While the former refers to chronological or sequential time, the latter signifies a time in between, a moment of undetermined period of time in which something special happens.
I tend to fret about what time things are supposed to happen, anxious about being (God forbid!) late and worried about what I haven’t accomplished (according to my list of Things to DO and my often unrealistic expectations of Self-fulfilment). It can be so reassuring to say ‘I only finished one of these’ or ‘There’s still all this stuff to do’ and hear back, ‘It’s fine, the rest will happen later’.
Just this night, Steve and I went out to dinner at our amazing local restaurant (and where we had our wedding and reception last May), The White Horse Inn. We had a great dinner of Pan-fried Fillet of Sea Bass and Scallops (me) and Pasta Malfadine with Mushroom Veloute and Beef Fillet (Steve), talked about our respective days and thoughts, reminisced about when we discovered our new hometown of Moretonhampstead (nearly two years ago), planned the week ahead and enjoyed each other’s company. When we got back home, Steve said that he still had some work to do and went up to his office. I was so thankful, not only for sharing a lovely meal, but that Steve had taken time from his currently very busy workload to spend time with me. And that he always lets me know just how valuable that time is to him.
Flowers bloom and die.
Let time go by
and shadows fall,
Love is forever,
– quote from a sundial