Just Kiss

Melinda — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 21:06:55 +0000

We threw a swellegant cocktail party last Saturday. We thought we were having our photograph taken for the Society Pages, but the camera was rolling! Let’s take a look . . . . .

Long Live the King and Queen!

Steve Coxon — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 19:16:30 +0000

“What sign are you?” It’s a question that we’re asked remarkably often. When we reply, “Leo and Leo,” the response is: “How does that work out?”

Anecdotally, we can confirm that Leo & Leo is a partnership which, in our case at least, works out pretty well. But, as our shared birthday weekend has just ended, I trawled through the online astrological literature to see what it has to say about Leo-Leo compatibility.

It seems that relations between natives of the same sun sign often have more good than bad aspects to them. But, the bad ones can be almost impossible to get over, simply because each Leo shares the same flaws. However, there is a secret to success. And that secret is compromise.

Compromise is important because – of all the sun signs in the zodiac – Leo shines the strongest. Not surprising, given that Leo is governed by the Sun itself, at the centre of the system and so fully deserving his or her title of “King” or “Queen”.

What this boils down to is that a Leo-Leo relationship can be excellent – provided that you always remember that the Leo next to you feels the same need as you do for compliments, admiration and simple adoration.

In other words, you have to give as much as you expect.

The fact is: that shouldn’t be too difficult. Because, just like you, your mate is passionate and ardent, full of ideas and wanting to live life to the full. Every Leo knows that what they do is refined, what they buy is stylish and what they think is bright. In a Leo-Leo relationship where each respects the other, each of us have found it remarkably easy to discuss what we do before we do it, what we buy before we buy it and what we think before we say it out loud and to company.

So how does this feed into our desire for more than a royal throne. How do we reconcile this apparent deference to each other’s views with our fascination with the power that we expect to come with our regal position.

For us two Lions, our love story resembles that of a king and a queen. A great love, but sometimes a great rivalry too. If you know how to offer each other enough power of decision and respect, this royal relationship is based on equal terms. We share the same elegant taste and refinement, the tendency towards hosting celebrations and parties, the love of going out together. As befits a royal household, neither of us are particularly good at administering money – so it’s a good thing we both know how to make it.

As Leos, we love being in love, flirting and paying court to each other. Each of us has finally found a partner who feels the same way as each other. Even now, we still pay court to each other.

Of course, there are some warning signs that the astrological experts are keen to bring to our attention. A Leo-Leo relationship, they say will certainly not lack for optimism. But, this means that we have to make an effort to remember to think about the future, too. You know, all that stuff about savings and long-term planning. Being extravagant and liking to spend a little on the good things in life, it appears, has a downside: it’s called tomorrow.

What they say about the Leo Man…

“He doesn’t attract the usual, the mundane, and the ordinary. To succeed in a relationship with him, you have to be somewhat eccentric and willing to forego numerous conventions. You also have to dress well, appreciate good food and be heavy on the compliments. This man is romantic and somewhat egotistical. But much of the time he’s worth an extra effort. No matter how exasperating he may be, he is likely also to be proud of you.

“He loves to see you laugh, as long as you are laughing with and not at him. The Leo man demands attention. He is fiery, romantic. He can be an easy victim of the green- eyed monster, too. He can also be offended and aloof if he feels you regard him as anything less than the centre of your universe.

“The Leo man likes the theatre, but dislikes theatrics. The Leo male admires beauty but not the obvious kind; he prefers the subtle. He is repelled by women who use too much makeup, by women who cry openly, by women who laugh too loud and – most importantly – by women who steal the spotlight. He believes in equal rights for men and women, but expects you to accept the concept that he is just a little superior. He’s also affectionate and lovable.”

What they say about the Leo Woman…

“If you are pursuing a Leo woman, compliment her and tell her she’s beautiful…and she will be. She has a flair for the dramatic. Let her have the spotlight. But, maintain an air of mystery. She loves to hear about herself: read her palm and check her horoscope. She demands that you be aware of her. A touch, a gesture, a secret signal, something special. That’s the way to woo and win the Leo lady. Your own manner should he regal. She wants to be with someone who is admired by others. In more intimate moments, she admires tenderness: a caress more than heavy- handed overtures.

“She is sexy but she wants you to want her for more than physical reasons. She values herself and doesn’t give herself away. That is, you must court her; thoughtful gifts mean more than their cost.

“She is romantic and needs to be needed. She is likely to be attractive and she expects to be jealous of you, but doesn’t want to be reprimanded for her own flirtatiousness. Make yourself a fascinating challenge. Involvement with a Leo woman can be fatiguing, but you will learn about life and living and love. Her nature is fiery; she is passionate, giving and generous. If you win her, the prize will be a great one. She is stubborn, but she is usually trying to work out what is best for you. Recognise her good qualities, which are numerous. In being amorous, avoid being coarse. Sex, for the Leo lady, is just one part of love. It is the rhythm of life but to be a part of her life you must first earn her admiration.

“She abhors the humdrum, routine, and stupid. She revels in the creative, in excitement. She could be an addict of the theater and she will share the spotlight if she feels you really have something others would admire. She’s unusual, complicated, and opinionated but she can be one of the most beautiful experiences in your life.”

As two Leos who are together, each of us feels that our relationship is based on trust, honesty and loyalty. Each of us knows that we need to avoid competing with each other and to complement each other, making room for each other to share in the spotlights we crave.

Together, as two Leos aware of both our strengths and our weaknesses, we are more powerful than two lions wandering alone. We have respect for each other. We have the ability to take pride in each other’s achievements. We have a love forged in the heart of the Sun.

Fly Me to the Moon

Melinda — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 14:20:25 +0000

It has to be Frank Sinatra:

We went to the South of France in May to celebrate our first wedding anniversary and flew into Nice especially to visit the Musée National Marc Chagall.

The Bay of Angels, 1962

This was a once in a lifetime experience for me as Chagall is one of my favourite artists. One room was filled with huge canvases illustrating the Song of Songs, paintings that he dedicated to his second wife Vava.

Le Cantique des Cantiques III, 1960

We stayed for about a week in Arles at the elegant Grand Hotel Nord-Pinus, decorated with terracotta tiles, carved furniture, vintage bullfighting posters, wrought iron, beautiful textiles and photos of the luminaries who’ve stayed there over the years: Jean Cocteau, Pablo Picasso and scores of famous toreros.

Charlotte Rampling, 1973 by Helmut Newton

Grand Hotel Nord-Pinus, staircase

My best souvenir of the entire trip was found at a flea market in Aix-en-Provence. Aix is a supposedly gracious city filled with fountains. It was a bit touristy and traffic-filled so we walked around town, visited the flea market and went onto Marseilles.

One of the "thousand fountains" of Aix

My prize was a pair of Luna Moths in a frame. The price was €20 and I was offered to take them for €15. So I did.

Actias luna is found in North America. When the adult Luna Moth leaves its coccoon, it is not ready to fly. It usually hatches in mid-morning and climbs a tree trunk to hang its wings, so they can fill with blood. Once the wings are inflated, the adult moth will wait until nightfall to fly off to find a mate. Adult Luna Moths don’t eat; in fact, they don’t even have a mouth. They only live for about a week, and their only purpose is to mate. They are lime green when alive and dry to a beautiful cream colour when they have died. I think that if any creature could fly to the moon, it has to be a Luna Moth.

Male luna moth and coccoon

Female luna moth and coccoon

I cleaned the glass, re-gilt the frame and wrote a letter in French to Steve about my experience of our trip, which I collaged onto the sides of the box.

Together

Domestic Bliss #1

Melinda — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 19:36:01 +0000

Watching Steve carve his "just roasted" Guard of Honour rack of lamb.

Stability

Melinda — Wed, 04 May 2011 21:02:00 +0000

There is a wonderful richness to be cultivated in the ‘ordinariness’ and stability of marriage. I love our rooftop home and seeing pairs of jackdaws every morning, day and evening from the front and back windows of our penthouse apartment.

Far from being boring, the stability of marriage can offer a blessing in the form of fertile ground from which each person can grow to great heights. It is such a joy to be at home, in the place that Steve and I have created together which is all at once comfortable and dynamic, vibrant and secure, familiar and fluid. All the while, knowing that the ground of our marriage is firm beneath our feet.

“One has to be in the same place everyday,
watch the dawn from the same house,
hear the same birds wake each morning
to realise how inexpressibly rich
and different is ‘sameness’.

This is the blessing of stability”.
~ Thomas Merton

Something old, something new

Melinda — Sun, 01 May 2011 20:22:18 +0000

Weddings, our wedding and weddings in general, are very much on my mind these past few weeks. It’s the time of year that Steve and I were at our busiest, getting all of the final details in order for our wedding last May. We chose to get married in late May, when the world is coming to life.

We haven’t yet reached the fullness of summer, but all around us the trees and hedgerows are bursting into full glorious leafiness. Energy is on the increase and we are in the season of Beltane, a fire festival that celebrates of the coming of summer and the fertility of the coming year. We chose to have our wedding at this fecund time of the year and really feel that our first year of marriage has been imbued with positive, blossoming energy. In fact, we haven’t been writing much on this blog because we’ve been pretty busy with some wonderful shifts and openings with my artwork and with some opportunities for Steve to hone his craft of writing.

On Friday, Great Britain had a Royal Wedding. Steve and I got dressed up in our civil ceremony wedding clothes and went down to the White Horse Inn (where we had our Soul Wedding last year) to watch it on telly. I’ve heard that William and Catherine would have preferred to have a small, intimate wedding with close family and friends. But, I suppose that they had to perform on such a massive worldwide stage, since it is a Royal Wedding, after all.

On the day of the Royal Wedding, 29th April 2011

I found myself wondering who was with Kate Middleton when she got dressed on the morning of her wedding (besides Sarah Burton!) I truly hope that there were no photographs taken to be released for publication. Quite a few brides do invite their photographer to take photos while she is dressing and the photos are really lovely. I chose not to because for me this was a private time, a sacred time as I paused on the threshold of being a single woman, about to join my journey with Steve’s.

My beloved cousin Susan and my dear friend Jayne were my attendants. We had coffee and pastries with Steve, and after he went off to get dressed, the three of us got ready, put on our makeup together, talked about other weddings. It was lovely to be with two women whom I feel so close to. They have each known me from the very beginning of my relationship with Steve and watched us blossom.

Me and Susan

I nipped out to pin Steve’s boutonnière onto his lapel, before putting my dress on. Even though we live together, Steve hadn’t seen my Soul Wedding dress and we both wanted him to wait until I arrived at the venue in full regalia.

Boutonnière for my groom

Jayne brought me some wonderful gifts – something old (beads from her Gran’s necklace), something new, something borrowed, something blue . . . . . . and a sixpence for my shoe. Traditionally a sixpence was given to the Bride on her wedding day by her father to give her luck and happiness. (Jayne is a bit naughty, so I won’t tell what the other gifts were!) I was also given some marital advice including a philosophical view on marriage as ‘a work of art in progress’ and a reminder to shag a lot.

Jayne and I

When we walked out into the public eye and down the street to the inn, Susan and Jayne were right with me.

Susan, Melinda and Jayne

Solid ground

Melinda — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 20:00:47 +0000

For both Steve and I, marriage represents the confluence of two streams and also a rock: solid ground from which to step out – lovingly – into the unknown of the ever flowing future. Not only do we step forward together on shared ventures, but each of us envisions our marriage as a stable base from which we can individually grow into our unique Selves.

I had an immense day on Saturday in which our home and my studio were on the Moretonhampstead Secret Studios Trail. I felt Steve’s emotional and physical support in every way in the weeks that I prepared for this event: my début as an artist. Although I have been completely comfortable identifying myself as an artist for a number of years, until now, I haven’t had a solid place to base myself as an artist.

Besides welcoming guests into my newly re-Vamped studio, a very special part of the day was taking small groups of people to see our wedding quilt Cleaved. I showed them the slate which I’d photographed together with the red rose petals sent to me from Steve and told the story of our meeting and long distance courtship. Then I showed our wedding invitation with the photograph on it.

And then the quilt itself. The front with the appliquéd grey slate and red rose petals, and water ripples, river washed stones and two feathers quilted onto the white silk. I also revealed the back of the quilt made from fabric I’d painted, stamped and then screenprinted with words from our written and emailed love letters.

I finished by reading out loud the quote from Rainer Maria Rilke that is screenprinted onto the front of our quilt:

“Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky”. – Rainer Maria Rilke

It was a very special part of a wonderful day to share and reflect on one of the hopes and intentions for our marriage, and to realise that it is indeed manifesting itself as a very solid place to stand and to venture forth from.

Spiral in the heart of love

Melinda — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 07:03:11 +0000

Steve gave me this beautiful red rose for St. Valentine’s Day. I love the spiral in the centre which radiates outwards. This reminds me of some words by John O’Donohue in his book Anam Cara.

“A person should always offer a prayer of graciousness for the love that has awakened in them. When you feel love for your beloved and his or her for you, now and again you should offer the warmth of your love as a blessing for those who are damaged and unloved. Send that love out into the world to people who are desperate; to those who are starving; to those who are trapped in prison; in hospitals and all the terrrains of bleak and tormented lives. When you send that love out from the bountifulness of your own love, it reaches other people. This love is the deepest power of prayer.”

Since Steve and I met, along with the family and friends who belong in our circle and who delight in our togetherness, we are each aware of jealous friends or bitter former partners who cannot share in our happiness together.

I’ve been troubled by the loss of a dear friend that I have had for over 20 years, who just isn’t able to have me in his life now that I am married and deeply committed to Steve. I can understand his feelings and I also feel the loss of our friendship. I can recall times in my life when my jealousy has kept me from truly embracing a friend’s new found love and this has caused me to withdraw my friendship and good feelings. Underneath is all, there can be unpleasant feelings of hurt, rejection and envy. It’s so much easier to become angry at the other person, or cut them from my life than to face these feelings.

So I offer each of these people whom I know a blessing and a hope that they will find their way to the warmth of love.

The supreme moment

Melinda — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 21:48:19 +0000

One of the most important elements of a marriage (or any intimate relationship) is to spend time with one’s partner and to talk about what that time together feels like. Identifying, investing in and spending high quality time together is paramount to a healthy relationship. Investing and high quality don’t necessarily mean expensive, either. I love sitting at opposite ends of our sofa, me reading and Steve solving the Guardian cryptic crossword; or driving through the beautifully breathtaking Devon countryside surrounding our home and exclaiming over the same clouds on the horizon, or pointing something out to each other. Those times when we’re sharing the same space, aware of our individual selves and the Self that lives with us. The Soul of our marriage.

One of the things I love about my husband is his sense of time. I don’t mean his sense of Chronos, or ‘clock time’; he can be completely dizzy about what time of day (or even what day of the week) it is. But his sense of Kairos, or ‘supreme time’. Kairos (καιρός) is an ancient Greek word meaning the right or opportune moment (the supreme moment). The ancient Greeks had two words for time, Chronos and Kairos. While the former refers to chronological or sequential time, the latter signifies a time in between, a moment of undetermined period of time in which something special happens.

Setting our clock

I tend to fret about what time things are supposed to happen, anxious about being (God forbid!) late and worried about what I haven’t accomplished (according to my list of Things to DO and my often unrealistic expectations of Self-fulfilment). It can be so reassuring to say ‘I only finished one of these’ or ‘There’s still all this stuff to do’ and hear back, ‘It’s fine, the rest will happen later’.

Just this night, Steve and I went out to dinner at our amazing local restaurant (and where we had our wedding and reception last May), The White Horse Inn. We had a great dinner of Pan-fried Fillet of Sea Bass and Scallops (me) and Pasta Malfadine with Mushroom Veloute and Beef Fillet (Steve), talked about our respective days and thoughts, reminisced about when we discovered our new hometown of Moretonhampstead (nearly two years ago), planned the week ahead and enjoyed each other’s company. When we got back home, Steve said that he still had some work to do and went up to his office. I was so thankful, not only for sharing a lovely meal, but that Steve had taken time from his currently very busy workload to spend time with me. And that he always lets me know just how valuable that time is to him.

Time flies,
Suns rise,
Flowers bloom and die.

Let time go by
and shadows fall,
Love is forever,
over all.

- quote from a sundial

Married Christmas

Melinda — Sat, 25 Dec 2010 14:26:49 +0000

Our first married Christmas is a snow-blessed one: crystal white tinged with dawn pinks and afternoon golds that have added their magic to our celebrations.

Still life with wedding bouquet

Last year was our first Christmas in our new home. Then, we had lots of decisions to make; where to site the tree, display the Christmas cards and place the decorations.

Christmas Lovebirds

This year, by contrast, all those decisions were already made and our home was dressed in its seasonal garb in the twinkling of an eye.

There were other new ‘traditions’ that took their place in our preparations. The choosing of an advent calendar and trips to see Steve’s family in Stoke and old friends at the annual Freelance Festive Feast in Birmingham.

Mr and Mrs Schwakhofer-Coxon setting the fashion standard at
the 2010 Freelance Festive Feast in Brum

And, of course, there were menus to be planned. Christmas Eve: pan-seared scallops and pasta with Alfredo sauce. Christmas Day: a breakfast of mimosa cocktails with North Staffordshire oatcakes, bacon and cheese. As for Christmas dinner: slow-roasted pork loin with dauphinoise potatoes and Brussel sprouts braised in cider. Steve also made a pork pie and a ham & chicken pie for Boxing Day.

All complemented by the contents of a Fortnum & Mason ‘Epicure’ hamper – our Christmas present to each other.

The F&M 'Epicure Hamper'

So how does our first married Christmas compare to our previous two festive seasons together? More settled, certainly. More predictable, in a good way, in some ways. But just as lovely and as loving as ever.